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Validation can be exceptionally powerful. Validation is often underestimated and left out of discussions when it comes to the recovery/improving process. I have found it to be extremely important.
This is what I believe:
Validation is a powerful healing agent for those who have suffered too long with ADHD unaware of why they are the way they are.
Validation does not mean that things were in actuality okay.
Validation means that yes, something was different and not completely under the person’s control. ADDer’s, especially those of us who have lived a very long while not understanding the ‘why’ behind our actions and reactions, feel a powerful sense of validation when diagnosed with ADHD. And as we learn more about ADHD the validation grows stronger still.
Validation brings with it a new sense of self, increasing one’s confidence and self-worth. A proper diagnosis, coupled with understanding, helps many through the grieving process and allows one to have direction in developing into a more capable human being, recognizing struggles for what they are and becoming conscious to the fact that there are methods for improvement.
I very good way to increase one’s self-esteem and realization of how powerful validation is, is to learn as much as one can about ADHD, in every form available. Never stop learning. The more one understands ADHD, the more one will understand their individual reality and can find ways to help improve day to day. As comprehension becomes clearer and clearer, so does one’s validation – validation for being who you are and feeling okay in a ‘new’ world. Validation does not allow one, or offer one, any excuses. Excuses are for the past and are not worth anything. Validation is for the future and is worth everything!
A reader sent me the following things she was told most of her life before she was diagnosed with ADD:
Try harder, eat more protein, study harder
Be nicer, meditate, don’t yell
Talk more, pray, donate to charity
Talk less, help others, do yoga
Get up earlier, express your emotions more
Get more sleep, don’t express your emotions so much…
All would seem to be helpful advice, but to those of us who have suffered from undiagnosed ADD, those helpful suggestions can be depressing and simply confirmation that we don’t/can’t fit in, that we are messed up and just don’t belong… It can be overwhelming and still, there are those who try to convince you, even after diagnosis, that you simply need to try harder, put more effort into it, pray, meditate…
Validation brings with it: liberation, freedom and best of all: direction and new found hope.
Do you know what else I believe? The best that we have to offer is still to come! The best that we have to offer is dependent upon what we think and believe, and is never, ever dependent only on what others think or believe. A wise person never turns down a suggestion and a wise person never takes suggestions blindly.
~Bryan
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Our Bodies Human Music
Reply to ron sorensonsHere they’re somewhere everywhere livin life hard
Firing thoughts racing thru my brain perfect order
Chaos controlled in a massive concert plays piercing
Awesome hear feel blasting in and out comfort in tune
My train is comin goin spitin rollin soulin lovin bein
Free the eagle he she flies in perfect sight high on life
Vessels blood dance-drumming heart beats allow creates
Crawl taught no quiet can’t holding down escape roll
Rock strength stand on consume in listen Hendricks rip
Beats the sleep out wake time this is no waste move shake
Thinking thoughts are choosing choice be you who are
Give it all to you comes back in a fold of ten or more no score
Sea the deep violent under territory mine it’s not let it be
We only one can will do float bond stop walk smell enjoy
Little toy girl boy play don’t know hate from us why is
Adult answers values caught viewed see the little ones
Free to adolescent prison lock um up find the key only we
Classical sooth smooth strumming harp sliding violin
Beethoven begin within taped the knowledge have we all
Go get it that’s what seeks we our soul IT IT get IT go in
Retrieve receive fun no guns pleasing truth music hear
In the ear a sound decoded heart computes infinite ever
Economy saying me my not I we to be free come in see
Freak judge not gift A.D.D. attention def move on name
Mind telling you stop throw out thoughts who are you?
Same back at me won’t figure out knows the soul ask not
Just be end of time never imagine a thought peace flies
Conductor lead harmony free in we the people give away
Sit to stay waste in stale use none step out box 6 ft under
War only guitar fire thru finger tips awake our soul one
Heard turn it up not serious its all stuff things take none
Already they’re everything in need waiting at home for us
All so give a call deep within time now begin be not sin win
Got ur back got mine every race religion culture living thing
Nature mother pay attention babies of hers are we set free
Hope you don’t just read please close eyes see feel its all hear
-Ronald Sorenson, A.D.D. Poet, October 29, 2008
Hello Brian !
It’s so true what you say ! I made my own diagnosis after a succession of failures, in reading about ADHD. It was like a ton of bricks was taking away from me !
But when I talked about that to my surround, they didnt believe me… Anyway, I dont care what they’re thinking !
Since I learned I had ADHD, my selfconfidence had growned up and I found ways to better organize my life and… it works ! I now understand why I failed in my jobs and after passing carreer tests, I conclude that I am better at a independant and creative job ! I also discovered that I had the ENTP profile, wich is matching with ADHD !
I’m now seeing my future with optimism and I tell myself that the worst is behind me !
Reply to French CanadianExcellent article, Bryan. I experienced a very similar thing when I got diagnosed. When I stopped trying to “fix” myself and berating myself for what I could not change and instead focused on “managing” the way I am…it was such a different feeling. I can laugh more at my “uniqueness” and now instead of hiding, I admit my “differences” and communicate my needs.
Reply to Ariane Benefit, Organizing CoachI don’t want to be normal myself. Having been diagnosed since age 12 I have known the problem for over 18 years. Teachers told me I would never be successful and would never get into college. Now I have a business consulting firm I hold not only a bachelors but a masters and am working on my doctorate. We have abilities others do not have. The key is using the strengths of ADHD to our benefit while minimizing the weaknesses we are prone to have.
Reply to Joshua AlexanderJoshua Alexander, MBA
You’re absolutely right, Bryan,that validation does not equal excuses. It is liberating, and freeing – but it doesn’t offer me an excuse for my behavior – it offers me an explanation. Once you understand the cause of a problem, you can work to overcome it – but if you use ADHD as an excuse, you’re not going to feel the need to overcome anything – everything can be blamed on ‘my ADD’.
Great article, as always!!
Reply to nerdymommy