ADHD
Is it a Gift? Or is it a Curse?
Gina Pera says it best: ‘The issue is, “are ADHD symptoms impairing your life?” (by definition, ADHD diagnosis requires impairment in one or more “domains of life”). And if they are, forget the labels, just get help that will make a difference.’
ADHD in of itself is a collection of symptoms that cause impairment in one’s life. Let’s not skip around that. Yes, there are gifts in people who have ADHD and some ADHD traits can be considered gifts, but first and foremost the symptoms must be managed through professional and/or social assistance. The key here to remember is that ADHD is a collection of symptoms that cause impairment, not a collection of symptoms that create a gift. It’s important to point out that even those actually diagnosed as Gifted, also have impairments, and, this is something we should not ignore or disregard in our quest to be proud of ourselves or our loved ones and friends.
I am a positive thinker. I do not believe in DOOM and GLOOM, – well, let me be candid here, I should put in there “not anymore”, because, I used to be. I used to hate myself and hate my confusing habits, but, you know what? In order to even be diagnosed properly with ADHD my therapist needed almost a decade to sort through and help me understand my pessimism, my self depreciation, loathing and disrespect of my own life, before, the reality of my underlying condition could be properly recognized and treated. Once ADHD was clearly diagnosed I was finally able to get the proper assistance I needed, along with the therapy I was already receiving. Diagnosis gave me a better understanding of why. It seems all of my life I was always asking that confounding question “Why me???” Diagnosis gave me direction, awareness and pride – pride for not being stupid, lazy or crazy! What’s so wrong with that?
Since the early days of therapy Dr. Gary (my therapist) made clear to me that negative thinking, and stress there from, could possibly be the most damaging aspect of one’s overall health. I had many symptoms of illness that it was ridiculous and I couldn’t get past any of them. I truly believed that I deserved to be sick, it was my fault – I couldn’t live up to anyone’s expectations. “You could be so much Bryan, if you just want to be.” I know, I know, but, really, I can’t and I won’t, so just go away, leave me alone. Self pity much? It was pathetic. It was my Pathetic Reality. That’s how I thought of it.
Today is a different day for me. I consider anyone and everyone to be Brilliant in their own special way. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that we are not alone, people care and there is help to be found. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that we are alive, breathing the crisp morning air and have a chance to be something more than what we thought we could be. Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow can be a better day and today isn’t so bad anyway. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD, or even LIFE, is that we can be loved and we can love. I am damn proud to be me and I am damn proud in how far I have come in my own self awareness and ability to live a positive fulfilling life in the way that I want to. I tried ever so hard to be what other people wanted me to be and I failed constantly, and with that failure I just could not measure up. In being who I am I can be better for others too. What’s wrong with “Yes we can!”? There is no problem in “Yes we can!” The problem is for those who haven’t found their way yet and can’t or won’t believe that there is a way and they want others to believe that too. It becomes:
The Curse of ADHD!
Oh, that’s positive, that’s a step forward, oh, the accomplishments indeed. I feel valued and alive in such a statement. Well, maybe not! My mother often said to me “Nobody ever did anything with ‘I can’t’” and at the time I couldn’t. Yes I can! Yes I will and Yes I have. ADDers do this can’t stuff to fellow ADDers: Okay, now it’s time to get a grip before you seem narcissistic or egotistic. Step forward to be knocked back a few steps. The support system is geared to get you there and then once your there, to knock you back before you inspire anyone or give them any false hope. Maybe that’s not entirely the case, but, that’s how it comes across. Can’t be everything to everyone. There’s that word again ‘can’t’ and who doesn’t agree with that? Should I title my new book The Sad Reality of ADHD? I can, but I ‘won’t’.
When there is a will there is a way. There really is. But that’s the problem with ADHD, the ‘will’ part seems to be missing. However, there is treatment available, there are people who care, there is a way and maybe, just maybe there is a step forward, a light at the end of the tunnel. There is no cure for ADHD and yet it can be managed. It will always be there and it will always provide challenges, but if you think for a moment that anyone else on earth doesn’t have challenges to overcome with or without ADHD you are way mistaken. The grass is always greener. The air is always better over there. Challenges can make us or break us and with ADHD, the breaking part is way too often the case. It doesn’t have to be. With a proper diagnosis and proper treatment – whatever that might be for the person with ADHD – things can be better. For some they haven’t gotten there yet and that doesn’t mean they won’t get there. If they think they ‘can’t’ they won’t.
The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that when there is a will, there is a way – yes we can and yes we will! The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that you and me, we are not alone in our struggles and our challenges. The Brilliant Reality of ADHD is that when properly treated, even with ADHD, great things can be achieved! And who defines what is great? Each individual for him or herself. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are worthless and that ADHD will hold you back from a fulfilling life or that your child will never be able to grow up successful to raise a family or care for others. Nobody ever did anything with ‘can’t’ and nobody ever will. If you’re not there yet – keep on keeping on. You do not have to do it on your own, find the ones who care, who understand, and above all, who are supportive.
You are The Brilliant Reality of ADHD – even if you do not have ADHD and you are supporting those who do have ADHD, then yes, you are indeed The Brilliant Reality of ADHD! The Brilliant Reality is not about having ADHD, it is about LIFE and being in it!
Have a delightfully brilliant day!
~Bryan
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Bryan -
This is a great post and perspective on ADHD as gift or a curse. You raise a number of really solid points and arguments many people with ADHD face – as well as those who are “labeled” as ADHD simply because of the public scrutiny and “over-awareness” of the main symptoms of ADHD.
So what I am saying?
According to the DSM-IV, ADHD must cause significant impairment in an individual’s life. But what then are these cluster of symptoms if they do not cause “significant impairment?” Some call it giftedness… Some find another label or diagnosis…
But what does it really mean or suggest?
I really identify with your “Brilliance” in everyone. For me, I try not to focus so much on a diagnosis or any diagnosis (on this topic). I know that doesn’t sit well with some people, but once we understand what is affecting us, we can focus on what we want and what we need to get there. That’s just my experience. I know some have it differently — and I respect their space.
I’ll stop here because I could go on and on with this particular topic. All I came to say was that each individual has brilliance, and the challenge is finding that brilliance and having support to believe in it.
Have a great weekend.
Rory
Bryan,
That has got to be one of the most inspiring posts I have ever read concerning ADHD. I am going to print this out and keep it next to my desk so I have it to remind myself that I can do it and will.
I am attempting nursing school for the 2nd time. The first time I was 19 and far from being diagnosed with ADHD. You can probably guess what happened. I ended up quitting after 3 months because I was constantly criticized by my instructors and just felt I was too stupid to be a nurse anyway. Fast forward to the present and I now know that I am not stupid, I have ADHD. There is a reason for why I did the things I did. So I now know that I am smart enough to be a nurse, although it will still be just as challenging as it was 13 years ago. The school I am choosing to attend has a learning disability specialist on campus who works with students with ADHD, so that gives me some comfort knowing that help is there for when I need it.
But, like I said, this was, by far, the most inspirational post I have read for someone like myself and I thank you for sharing your optimism. Let’s hope it becomes contagious.
Sincerely,
Rachel
I have to say, hats off to you for your commendable and very refreshing honesty. You’ve really got guts to admit to the whole world that you used to hate yourself. Not many people would do that, I don’t believe. And like the Virginia Slims ad used to say, “You’ve come a long way, baby!” You say you’re now proud of yourself. I’m thrilled for you and share in your gladness. What I’d be interested in finding out is more of how you got to this point? You mentioned therapy. What else did it take? I’d really like to know. See, I used to loathe myself, too, and sometimes I still do. There was an old “Twilight Zone” episode where a doctor is telling a freakish-looking patient that she needs to find others of “her own kind.” That’s what I need, too. But ADD support groups are hard to find. Any tips you’d like to pass along to one of your “own kind?” Keep up the good work. I’m proud of you.
I think an important point is in who determines what constitutes an ‘impairment’. Since 90% of the world does not have ADHD, the symptoms that we experience are considered to be impairments by society as a whole. Our behaviors differ from those of the majority, so therefore WE are the impaired ones.
That’s where all of the self-loathing and feelings of failure come in – because we are, in simplest terms, the square pegs looking at a world full of round holes. If the holes were square – we’d fit right in.
In my eyes, the ‘disorder’ itself is not the curse – it’s the reaction of a left brained society to right brained thinkers that is the curse. If anything, we were cursed only by not being in the majority! If the tables were turned, and 90% of the population was right brained – guess who would have the ‘disorder’ then? I wonder what they would call that? I have a few ideas, none of which are appropriate here, LOL.
Bottom line, perception is reality. Non-Adders perceive us as having a disorder – and so, as they are the ruling majority, we have a disorder. You and I and mostly every other ADDer buys into that – and we try to conform, we try to change our ways, we beat ourselves up for acting like ADDers. At some point, you have to ask yourself though – how do they know that WE are the ‘broken’ ones? It’s all a matter of majority.
It’s fun though, to imagine a world where the non-ADDers have to take medication to be more creative and impulsive, more intuitive and to be able to think on a non-linear plane…..
Great post, as always….
Great Rory!
Hi Rachel,
Good luck, very proud of you! Please check in with the specialist once you get there, introduce yourself and talk about your goals. Share your enthusiasm, the more you have, the further you will go! It’s fantastic to hear about this.
Hi Melinda,
Guess you haven’t read my book yet
Yes, it does take a little extra something to write about these situations, after all, I am not hiding behind a mask, I do reveal who I am. However, I do have a positive impression of human nature. I am glad you have come so far – that’s awesome!
Hi NM… indeed!
Bryan, Sorry it took me so long to reply to this. I wanted to but as usual I didn’t have any idea how to put what I wanted to say into words.
I don’t know. Personally I find my ADD to be a curse. But then again maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t know how to deal with it so I just try to run headlong through life and, well, that isn’t really working too well for me. No, wait, more realisticaly what I probably do is not run headlong anywhere. I just curl up in a ball and let life run headlong through me. WHUMP!!!There are so many brilliant ADDers out there in the World living wonderfully amazing lives so I know it’s possible but sometimes I just don’t know if I have the patience or the will power or the strength to wait for it.
But if I don’t … I may as well just give up now and I really don’t want to do that. Personally I’d prefer to be brilliant.
I’m completely lost. Am I making any sense whatsoever???
a fantastic post. truly. i linked it in a parenting group i belong to.