Have you ever had relationships, so strong, so powerful, and ever so meaningful, that after that special person, or people, left, parts of yourself left too?
There are times when you can still feel them nearby, as if they are right there – you can almost touch them, but only, only, almost – fleetingly, across the sky, like a shooting star or a floating cloud.
When we are alone, unexpectedly, we may start thinking about them for no reason at all and, we miss them so deeply, so much it hurts ever so painfully, it brings tears to our eyes and we wonder why – ?
Just this topic alone, it brings up their memories so vividly.
Sometimes it can be such happy moments, the sun shining, laughing, playing, running the streets and goofing off, a tender first kiss or a special word of support and, in another moment the memory can switch to something oh so sad, like something said that wasn’t meant to be said, the haste of a moment that came and went in the blink of an eye, but lasts torturously forever more.
There are extraordinarily special people that come along once in a while, they become a part of our lives and then, for whatever reason they move on, some have moved away and some fade away as time passes, and some, some have passed away, but still, a part of them remains within us, always there, always reminding us of who they were and what they meant to us.
I believe that when we have a special connection with someone, we take on certain characteristics and mannerisms, even emotions and feelings, which only exist in whole when with that person.
When that person leaves, so too does a part of who we are.
I have come to believe.
If the person has passed away, that part of us is perhaps gone forever, never to rise again and only in bursts of profound memories can we grasp at it, like grasping at a distant cloud in the sky, unattainable, unreachable, but off in the distance of our memory, it is there, even if just fleetingly. It is in that moment it hits us, our eyes burn for a moment, our muscles weaken and we just miss them ever, ever so much. We feel them with that long lost part of us that somehow left us too, but for a moment we remember.
Have you ever felt that?
Sometimes we forget certain things, especially in short time frames, but many of us are also astonishingly sensitive and, with certain special people, who make us feel deeply, their memories, the things we said to each other, the things we experienced together, those memories never, never, ever die. Sometimes such memories are so vivid and somehow, unusually fantastical and remarkable.
Even though, most of our other memories are like shadows, never fully in view.
Sometimes, memories seem to be gone, but in those ever so special, remarkable moments of what seems like brilliance, triggered by something obvious or unknown, we remember everything, we feel everything and the impact is extraordinarily profound and we realize, so sharply, so suddenly, how much we miss them – how much we miss a part of ourselves.
It’s not fair. The reality, yet it is wondrous, but it hurts so much and yet, I can’t help in these moments to smile a little bit, to have at least had those moments in reality, that I do have them to remember, because they existed in time, in my life, with that person, that special kindred spirit.
Treasure the moments we have with the special people we have now, for one knows not what the future will bring and let us not cry in regret, but rather in joy of what was in the good times and thankful we do have moments of luminous clarity, even if so tender and fleeting.
~Bryan
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Beautiful reminder, B. tx.
Thank you Gina
Wow, I am in tears reading this, as this is exactly what I am going through today. I woke up missing my best friend terribly and can’t get through to her by phone. She is one of those people who just “gets” me. She also lives in another country. We are kindred spirits like no one I’ve ever met and I miss her so much I want to scream.
The other person I miss more than anything is my paternal Grandmother. She passed away in March. Again, we were more than relatives, we just “got” each other. And she and my best friend are very much alike. We are all very sensitive souls. We feel things so deeply that it is hard to talk about to non-sensitive types. I live by my feelings, and so do/did they.
I totally am one of those people whose memories are blurred by my ADD (my mind flits too much to focus sometimes) although those FEELINGS of people or days that were special are embedded so strongly. To invoke those feelings is to relive them.
So today I am feeling the lack of my two best soul-mates, but grateful that I have had them in my life at all. ♥♥♥
Sorry to bring you to tears Clarissa
You are so right about invoking memories is like reliving them. There have been so many times when I am writing about something in my past and suddenly I am taken to that moment through my feelings and emotions and, before I know it, those feelings / emotions have added themselves to whatever I am writing and it is as though I have captured their essence. When I was writing One Boy’s Struggle, I wrote quite a bit about my childhood best friend and those pages I lingered over forever, although what I was writing was clear, I just didn’t want to let go of those memories because I knew they would fade too quickly if I let them go…
Bests… Bryan.
Thanks Bryan for writing this you know I just lost someone near to my heart, And the pain is so raw right now . And I think of her with me all the time right now. I’m hurting and I miss her but, I can feel she is with me where ever I go . Thanks for writing that and reminding me she will always be with me. sherry
Sherry,
I just read about this on our ADDer World network and then saw your comment. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. They are always with us, I truly believe that.
Bests,
Bryan
Bryan,
You have explained very well in this post, some (if not all) feelings I think about (this subject)when I am alone.
One being a very sad moment in my life, when I was 16. There was a girl, Cheryl, who died in a head-on accident, shortly after a we had fallout in our relationship (this could an example, of your “Gossip” post in what I commented about hurting people).
The guilt can bring me to my knees, at times, when I think about how hateful my words were, and knowing I will never be able to tell Cheryl that I was always wanting to be Her true love, for the rest of Our lives, even before She knew I was ever interested in Her.
But I try to remember the joy I had when I finaly got up enough courage to ask her if she “liked me”, and She said: YES! And the great times we spent together……knowing in my heart that Cheryl loved me, for who I was, and not what I pretended to be to others.
Cherish the moments we have…..
Scott.
oh my Scott, I can’t imagine what you went through. The things we say sometimes, when we don’t have the chance to take them back, I know this too well… all too often our anger and impulses can get the better of us, just for a moment, but that moment is all it takes sometimes – your comment is such an important reminder for all of us to consider.
Yes, cherish the moments….
Thank you Scott,
Bryan
I am glad you made this post. I was just talking about the loss of my nana about 7 years ago and what a void it left in my life. There are days that all I do is think of this loss. She was the only person in my family that I felt close to and I felt she understood me. Sometimes it just feels like yesterday and the other days it feels like a long time.
When she became sick, I was in the photography business and she loved to see (what she could see – she had lost most of her sight by this time) what I was working on. She always would say I wish I could be of some help.
When she did pass I had them put some of my photography in her casket to take with her. I also went to my local hospice and donated many photos to line their walls. Anytime I have an Art show I dedicate the show in her honor.
I deal with many seniors citizens in my work and I get to share my story of my nana with them and it makes me feel better. To give you some idea about her, was that she was mugged twice and she scared them both off. She was about 5 feet tall,
and she would fight instead of give away her $ 5.00.
Thanks Bryan for makig this postand lettng me talk about this, I know physically she is gone but she is still in my heart..
Even though we know death will come to all of us, an UNTIMELY DEATH takes a tremendous toll on us. I’ve had one family member and one friend who died unexpectedly and at a relatively young age. In neither case was I the most important person in their lives nor was I the person who was affected the most by their deaths but somehow their lives and their untimely deaths are indelibly marked in my memory and I know exactly why.
These two persons were charismatic in the most positive sense. They treated other people with respect and made everyone feel special. They were free with their praise, free with their warmth, and free with their time. When you talked to them, they listened intently and you would think you were the only person who mattered. They always laughed at your inane little jokes and made it clear that life is more than merely work and worry. They both had a wide, wide range of friends and acquaintances – by design – and touched the lives of more persons in one day than most people do in one week or one month. I know of very few times either of them complained seriously about life, but I came to realize after their deaths that they had experienced pain and suffering they never expressed.
While they were alive, I don’t think I fully appreciated the depth and breadth of their lives. It was only after their lives ended abruptly, shortly after unexpected illnesses, that I saw how much of their lives had been devoted to others. The number and variety of people who came to pay their respects was phenomenal yet disturbing to me. Everyone I talked to, at both services, spoke as if the deceased ones had been their very best friend and I was thinking, “I had thought he/she was MY best friend.” The realization that these two persons had meant something very special to so many people was astonishing to me and really made me wonder if any one of us “survivors” had ever communicated our love and appreciation directly to these persons before their untimely deaths!
I wonder at times if having ADHD brings up these memories more vividly than those who do not have the disorder. For example -of not so much the event, but the concepts learned that I’d missed that day… when I would “zone out” during a class, then have vivid recollection even though I wasn’t “there” in the moment.
Although this example holds no real emotional attachments Ioften recall things and they will replay themselves in my mind over and over.
Have I had experiences of emotions like the ones you described?… Absolutely. Some are still very raw within me, although some had transpired years ago.
I don’t feel as though I lost a part of myself, for I am whole to begin with. I do understand what you mean, though- metaphorically speaking.
I’ve felt loss and pain for what I can never get back. I remember good times and happy moments,too.
There are many paradoxes in life, and life in and of itself is a paradox as well. We cannot appreciate the light without ever having experienced darkness… however there is much to be learned while in the dark.
I treasure the memories of good times, and remember the lessons learned from painful experiences. I very much miss those who were a part of my life, if only for a short time.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and let us all know how deeply we feel when someone has left, far away for a while or, sadly, has passed away, seemingly out of our life, but yet, perhaps not. We will always remember and somehow, they are always with us. That’s my personal belief and seems many of you share that belief with me.
Think of happy memories, think of the best of times and remember the joy of having them near us, with us, their laughter, their smiles and most of all, their LIFE.
And yes, I think most of us with ADHD are quite sensitive and feel things with an intense keenness. In some ways this is good, in other ways, not so much. I am personally quite sensitive to memories, usually very specific memories which are not always pleasant, but there are some, when I purposely take my mind to those places and times, the joy comes back – that’s something I had to learn. It’s like finding a key word to use to trigger the mind away from a thought and regain focus on whatever is in front of me…
Bests,
Bryan