The reception of my memoir One Boy’s Struggle by people with ADHD and without ADHD alike, and professionals, has been phenomenal.
As most anyone knows, who has been reading my blog, you know I did not originally intend to publish. It all started as a therapeutic effort on my part to get my thoughts and experiences out of my head and on paper, something I could read back to myself and make sense of it all. Well, while I was making sense of my life I started to include all the things I believed would have helped me had it been known that I had ADD (ADHD), and while I did that, it was then that I decided, or rather, it came to me that I needed to share my life with you. It was not an easy decision, but I know it was the right decision.
In the last year or so, many people have written me asking for advice on writing their story. They ask me about the steps I took etc. However, I cannot answer those questions in the way some expected. The reality is that I just wrote and I wrote and I wrote some more. I didn’t follow any procedure or have any preconceived ideas that I was writing a book.
So my advice to anyone who would like to ask that type of question of me, here are my answers:
- Just write, take notes in the margins and keep writing.
- Be honest, as honest as possible, even when you reveal something scary, embarrassing or something that makes you feel ashamed, keep writing, no, don’t stop.
- Be relentless and let yourself be remarkable. What I mean by this is what I just wrote in #2, be honest with yourself enough to dig deeper into your own emotions. If the situation makes you cry, then let the tears fall on the keyboard, but whatever you do don’t stop writing to wipe them away. Keep going and you will share those feelings beyond any expectations. I cried a lot while writing One Boy’s Struggle, especially any time I got into the details about me and my father, because, above all things, no matter what, my love for my father is incredibly painful for me. He was a good man with a very confusing child. Yes, he was a good man and I do love him dearly, but I didn’t take away from the reality I lived through. So again, be honest about your experiences. The hurt is real, I know, but that’s the only way to release.
- Write from your heart because that is where the story is. That’s what I truly believe. I sincerely believed had I started writing to share and publish my memoirs as a book I would have never gotten past the first few pages. So that’s my next tip:
- Don’t think about being published or sharing your story. There’s too much to think about when you write from that perspective, unless you are an established professional writer, which by the way, I am clearly not. Stephanie Meyer, the author of Twilight, had never considered being a writer before she wrote her first book. The story came to her in a dream and she felt compelled to write and that’s what she did, with no formula – you know where that got her.
- Be sure to keep a notebook in every room of your home and in your car. But, pull over if you start to write in your car!
- Stay grounded and always, above all else, write for yourself as you feel it, as you want to express it, do not consider whether it makes sense to anyone else or not. There’s always time to go back and make it clearer for others, if necessary.
- When I first started writing my memoirs I had some difficulty remembering things I had not thought about in years, but if this happens to you just write what you can remember and you will be surprised how memories start to surface. You may soon be going to bed remembering days gone by and the people you met and left along the way. That can be a very good thing, but honestly, it can also be somewhat painful, especially when some of your mistakes become clearer (we all make mistakes!), the things you said you wouldn’t want anyone to say to anyone today. As I said before, when the tears come, keep on writing. Don’t worry, I am sure you will also find nuggets of joy and happiness too, things you did do right that you didn’t give yourself credit for or, things that seemed to be wrong, but had it not happened something else would have been missed later. Life is like that, just write it down and sort it out later.
- Interviews: It’s up to you if you want to interview people from your past or just play it by memory. If you decide to do any interviews just remember that no one’s memory of you is going to be perfect. Some folks might not even remember things that you remember, because their focus was elsewhere or they have long since forgotten. People in general pay the most attention to themselves and how situations and events affect them. That’s absolutely normal, we love to think we are the center of attention, but in reality each person is their very own center of the universe, most especially in the formative years.
- Each person is different; my approach to writing about my life is from an emotionally expressive angle. Your way may be different, it might be more analytical, and that’s okay, your way is the right way for you. This list is what works for me and since the questions have been asked of me time and again, I thought it would be helpful to some for me to share them.
That’s what I’ve got in the way of tips for writing your memoirs. I think if you’re writing a memoir, something so personal, it is nearly impossible to follow any specific type of step by step program without it becoming somewhat mechanical. Sometimes, it is best to just let it flow, to let it pour out of you, revealing those emotions which allow readers to connect with you and what you may have gone through.
Here’s an example of what I mean, and I don’t know if this is a fair example: I read Michael Phelps memoir No Limits and enjoyed it to a degree, but I felt absolutely no emotional connection to it, positive, negative, in-between or at all. That’s not to say it is not a good memoir (it is a very good book), only that it is not one I could relate to on any level – if I had felt something perhaps then I would have found something to relate to. When there is a lack of emotion and a memoir is so organized, it becomes more like an historical archive. At least, that’s what I felt, or better said, didn’t feel. I hope that doesn’t come across the wrong way.(?)
In all due fairness to Mr. Phelps, he did not fully write his memoir, it was co-authored by Alan Abrahamson and the type of book they wrote was most likely their intention. Still, I did enjoy No Limits and it was a worthy read for me. That’s important to understand too, if you start out with the intention to write something in a specific way, there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just going to be different than what it would be if you write a memoir without specific intentions. That may seem like a no brainer, but hey, let me put it out there again just in case.
If you have written a memoir, please feel free to share your tips on writing too.
Okay, now I would like to ask for your help if you are willing:
I have come to the decision that it is time to find an agent for my books, especially “One Boy’s Struggle: A memoir – Surviving Life with Undiagnosed ADD”. I need, or rather, want an agent to help me get my books published in a way that I can get them into book stores. I published my books through Infinity Publishing, which has been great, but that only helps with getting my books to you via the web. If I am to get One Boy’s Struggle into book stores, to reach as many people as possible, I need an agent. Personally, I would like to have my book read by anyone and everyone with or without ADHD!
I want to make a difference.
Who can help me do that?
Who is willing to help me?
You can!
If you know a professional literary agent with extensive experience and success, please pass this request on for me. However, if you do not know an agent, you can still help by sharing this post, simply email it, tweet it or use one of the various links below. Don’t be shy. Everyone makes a difference, that’s the brilliance of the internet! Of course, if you are an agent, please feel free to contact me.
You can read and pass on the reviews of One Boy’s Struggle here and download here.
– A special thank you to Mindy, of fullcircle-adminservices - Mindy and her team have gone way out of their way to help me get the word out about my books!
By the way, if you are Oprah or Ellen DeGeneres, well, hey, by all means, you can help too!
And no, I do not believe (or maybe I do and simply am not saying) that simply mentioning their names in a blog post will help them notice me or that I should be noticed by them at all, I am just saying, hey, they can help too, if they want or are so inclined. I mean, why not? Yes, you can start a petition – I will sign it. ‘hi!’
- If Ellen can get on the cover of O Magazine, then anything can happen… right?!?
Have a wonderful, delightful day and THANK YOU!
~Bryan
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PS: A reader just sent me some great suggestions and mentioned about rights to my books. I hold ALL the rights to my books.
Good luck! As for writing tips, my number one is “just write and worry about the details later”…a lot of people get really obsessed with the details when writing. Just (let) it out, then go back and see what you wrote!
Yep!
Bryan, I know several people who use the ADHD Aware group on Linked In for a similar purpose. It doesn’t hurt that Nancy Ratey uses Linked In either. It’s a thought.
Great idea Tigger. I had thought about Linked In a couple times, but didn’t take the time. Thanks to YOUR comment, I took the time today
Bryan
Bryan, Ever since I was in elementary school, I have enjoyed writing articles, short stories and poetry. What began at a young age as just a hobby has grown into a passion of mine. This summer, for the first time, I had 5 articles of mine published by an online magazine. The cool thing was that I spent one entire week consumed in writing 5 articles to meet my deadline, much of my time and attention went into research to gain more insight into the topics which I was writing about and I got PAID for doing something that I love!This first time publishing experience for me was EXHILARATING, MOTIVATING AND EMPOWERING! The simple act of an editor to accept my articles for publication helped me gain more confidence in my writing talent and skills. While I did have my articles published and it was an exciting experience for me, I have not submitted any new articles to other publishers or editors ever since my 5 articles were accepted for publication. I can imagine you thinking to yourself, “What on earth are you waiting for? Get busy and write more articles!”The truth of the matter is that as an ADDer, beginning a project and consistently staying with it, until completion is a challenge. In addition, being an ADDer mom of 3 ADDer kids is rather DISTRACTING! What truly gives me motivation, hope and inspiration to get back to work, to write more articles and to consider writing a book, is YOU, Bryan! When I take a look at EVERYTHING that you have worked hard for and accomplished, all the while struggling with common ADDer challenges, YOU give me hope that I can do it! You have inspired me to overcome my ADDer challenges, to push forward, to believe in myself and to plug away with determination!Realistically, what has helped me get back on track to continue writing is the fact that you said, “The reality is that I just wrote and I wrote and I wrote some more. I
didn’t follow any procedure or have any preconceived ideas that I was
writing a book.”I LOVE THAT! It encourages me to NOT waste my time worrying about all the “do’s and don’ts” for writing! It literally takes a huge burden off of my shoulders. Instead of spending valuable time worried about completing all the tedious details of writing a book from start to finish, I am able to let go of those nagging concerns to focus on WRITING FROM MY HEART AND SOUL!It was such a huge relief to read your helpful advice for aspiring writers. I especially can relate your own emotional experience in writing ONE BOYS STRUGGLE. One of your encouraging words of wisdom is this: “Be honest with yourself enough to dig deeper into your own emotions. If
the situation makes you cry, then let the tears fall on the keyboard,
but whatever you do don’t stop writing to wipe them away. Keep going
and you will share those feelings beyond any expectations.”My personal experience of my own diagnosis of ADHD at 33 years of age and raising three kids with ADD/ADHD is a very emotionally heartwrenching story to share. Countless times, I have been typing my story, caught up in the painful emotions to find myself crying as I relive one of the most difficult times of my life. Yet, as I continue to write my dramatic story, I strongly believe that there are so many other men and women going through similar struggles with themselves and/or their ADDer children. If my personal story of how I came to suspect that I had ADHD and how I was able to cope with raising three children with ADD/ADHD encourage, inspire or give hope to one single individual then writing this book will be worth every ounce of energy that I put into sharing my heart and soul.Thank you, Bryan, for being such an influencial and inspiring role model on ADDer World! By reaching out to other ADDer’s and by allowing yourself to be transparent, you have made a REMARKABLE difference in the lives of thousands of individuals.I am absolutely estatic that you are interested in seeking publication for your book ONE BOY’S STRUGGLE! I am most happy and willing to help you in your endeaver to find an experienced literary agent.Interestingly enough, I actually go to church with a woman who is a professional literary agent with extensive experience and success. I will send you a message with details about how to get in contact with her. In addition, I am friends with many professional writers and if it will be of any help to you, I could inquire about literarly agents who specifically work with biographies and non-fiction.Best wishes on your pursuit to publication!
WoW – what a comment Dana! I am honored, naturally, by your feelings and concern. I received your message btw, thank you! … Just let go and write what you feel you will figure the other stuff out later
With all the Authors I work for, I have seen a set pattern for most of the Authors. They start their books from gathering up their notes and make an outline and start creating the book from there and another must is after you edit your book to your best ability, you must have your book edited by a professional,. Some Authors actually have their book edited twice just to be sure. Since most people are having their book self-published, make sure what each of them offer and then go to some book forums and see what be people are saying about their publishers. Ask questions! They all offer the world and charge you a nice amount of money to publish, but before you make your decision, you have to find out if your book will be available in Kindle Format? How does the publishing company handle sending books to stores for a book signing? You need to check the above plus much more, because sometimes we are just so excited that our book is being published that we forget to find out all they offer right off the bat….Many Authors find that they are promised the world and once they have their book..that is all they have is a book. Everything is extra…Self publishing is a great offering because it seems unless you are a Sephen King a publisher will not even look at your work because to them whether you have a message to get out or not, you are just a person to them. I have not written anything myself yet, but working with so many authors, you really learn so much. Just because you are self published does not mean you will not hit the big time. I have two authors right now that are having much success and loving lufe.One other thing I have realized is that as far as hiring marketing people for your book, the higher price they charge you does not mean the more they are going to do!!! I worked for a publishing company from NY recently for a week and I had to leave. They were charging Authors tons of money and they were doing nothing for the client….The Authors became just an a number…You never called them by name or by their book.. Just anything going with Author 6782356….I know this is much to absorb but between my business and having my Adderall kick in (HA!) I guess I had lots to say. Good luck to all of you on your ventures/Mindy
Thanks for your input Mindy. It’s timely too. I think the interest in self-publishing has expanded a great deal in the last few years. It’s not what it used to be, especially since these books are sold side by side with their counterparts on Amazon and other E-tailors. Although, I do still believe that it is important to consider physical book stores, obviously, the internet has clearly changed the landscape of the way books are sold. The bottom line, depending on the quality of the book, information spreads much quicker today than it did years ago, many self-published books can sell quite well thanks to this new age.
Unfortunately, with the type of book I have written, I do receive some rather odd emails that I am trying to make a buck from my story. Nothing I say can change what certain people think or believe, that’s their prerogative, but the bottom line is this: If I want my book to reach as many people as possible, if I want my message to spread, nobody else is going to just do it – I have to do it first. Sure, hiring professionals to help me is great, but more often than not, as you mentioned above, it costs far more for those marketing ‘professionals’ to lend a hand than the books bring in, which is used mostly to support the ADDer World websites. Some people care, some people don’t – it’s important to reach those who care and will spread the message – without them, nothing will ever make it past the publisher anyway (traditional or self published – doesn’t matter).
Interestingly, One Boy’s Struggle has done better in spreading than many similar books published by the traditional market. It always comes down to the message. Publishers are interested in what sells. That’s true to only a point, we know that, but what sells is ALWAYS the message within and without a message, nothing happens, so I do think they care about the message too. It’s just a matter of getting them to realize that yours, mine or whoever’s message is worth it and will spread.
The bottom line with writing any book, memoir or otherwise comes down to the message within. Is it sincere, is it meaningful, and is it something worth spreading? That last part tips a lot of people up: Is it worth spreading? That’s a question some just can’t get past. Yes, if the message is sincere and meaningful, it will spread. And there is nothing wrong or shameful about marketing one’s own work. I think society gets some skewed view about self-promotion, but in reality everyone MUST do it and not simply for books: If you want a job, or a promotion, if you want a romance, relationship or just about anything, we ALL must market ourselves. We tend to forget that in our efforts to frown upon self-promotion.
In reality though, for most authors it is not about the money. Unless you are a Stephen King type, there’s actually very little money to be made publishing memoirs. It comes down to that same thing I mentioned above:
It’s all about the message within the pages.
So the best tip or suggestion I can ever give a want to be author: Forget about making any money from it, don’t even consider that – just write and let the message speak for itself.
What do you all think? ( I haven’t written this much in a comment in forever
)
~Bryan
Bryan,While I am clueless when it comes to anything having to do with or about the topic of publishing, I do have to say this: You are one of the most INSPIRATIONAL writers and persons who I have never met but yet, at the same time, felt like I have known for years and years and years simply through your extraordinary gifted ability to write. You have this truly astounding ability to write in such a way that seems to touch and resonate with so many of us here, and your remarkable positive spirit has often brought a smile to my otherwise distressed face (and more of the world needs that type of positive encouragement and positive spirit). I firmly believe in my heart that GREAT things lay in store for you, and if there’s anything any one of us can do to help in any way, you can count on us to come together. I look forward to seeing you on Oprah soon! You are simply too talented and gifted of a writer for you not to be discovered and taken to the next step. Your books should definitely be in book stores! Please keep us posted on what we can do to help. Sincerely, Penni (spacecatpj)
Dear Penni: It took me a few moments to reply to you because you sincerly touched me with your words, thank you. Simply spreading the word and sharing these posts is all it takes to be helpful. Anyone with a copy of one of my books, please simply loan it to a friend, share it with others.
You made my day Penni!
Zandria.us » Me, Thinking About Writing a Memoir? I Must Be Crazy. // Dec 6, 2009 at 8:09 pm
[...] At ADDer World, Bryan Hutchinson has 10 Simple Tips on Writing a Memoir. [...]